what is this place?!!?

August 16, 2008

About half way through our summer a friend of mine called me and left me this message, “kristian, never count God out.” he said some other stuff too, but these words leapt out at me and stuck deep in my soul. i couldn’t shake them. what was it about those words that kept chasing me down? i realize now the reason i couldn’t shake my friend’s warning was because i was in fact counting God out. the beauty of it all is that it was in those times, when i had counted God out, that He made Himself known the most. just when i thought all was lost and that we might as well pack it up and call it quits cause nothing good was going to come from all this, we got more than we ever dreamed of.

a lot of this summer felt like i was being blindfolded, thrown into the back of a car and driven to a remote location a long way from anybody or anything that was familiar. i was scared to death to be in this new place. a place where all comfortability and predictability went out the window. i didn’t know which way to walk or what to do. i felt alone. until i stopped pitching a fit and realized who i was with. i wasn’t alone and in fact i was with the One who loved and knew me the best. God was there, and He began inspiring me and leading me to new places that i could never have made it to on my own. i had a closer, more intimate relationship with God than ever before. He spoke…i listened. He led…i followed. it was that simple. it IS that simple.

this all didn’t happen because i’m sooooo spiritual or because i take 1000mg of holiness pills everyday. this happened because God knew i was becoming a complacent follower and i needed to be shaken a little. i was becoming a revelation 3:15-16 Christian…lukewarm and in need of nothing. my proud heart of stone needed breaking and my white knuckled grip on the world around me needed to be loosened. the truth is, my heart is still breaking and becoming tender. the process isn’t over yet. even tonight as i write this post my heart is troubled because so much of what i have depended on for so long is crumbling. the days of depending solely on my gifts as a musician and worship leader are coming to an end. Leading worship and living the Christian life is less about singing and going to vacation bible school and more about complete dependence on God. The next season of my life is on the horizon and it’s all about dependence. God is teaching me that in every part of life…Him. that’s it. i need nothing else. we need nothing else.

this is really all there is to say about this past summer. i had planned on going through and sharing some details about what went down and how God changed my life forever, but i’m not going to do that. Simply…this summer was the summer that God cut a gaping hole in my “bag of tricks” and one by one they fell out until i had nothing left to rely on but His Holy Spirit and the truth that i profess to live for. i feel exposed and naked, but in beautiful, intimate fellowship with my creator.

10 Responses to “what is this place?!!?”

  1. Mayra said

    thank you for sharing!

  2. Michiel said

    Hi Kristian,

    Thanks for being real and honest… 🙂

    God bless!

  3. joebrim said

    dude. that was awesome. you are awesome. god is awesome.

  4. Mary said

    yes thank you!
    i enjoyed reading that

  5. James said

    Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Rachel said

    thats is so true. this summer i have felt the same.. God is an awesome savior, and he will never let us fall completely. he will only test us until we surrender our all to him!

  7. jcollesano said

    Kristian, Truly appreciate your honesty and your transparency… I’ve found myself in the same place, and also wrote about it on my page… I really do believe that God is doing something in the hearts of men like us in our generation… showing us that our “bag of tricks” as you so clearly put it will only get us by, not allow us to be dependent on God.

  8. Mary said

    I’ve kinda been in the same boat learning the same thing…We must deny ourselves and take up our cross daily. It’s a process that is hard to do at times, but praise the Lord that He is always there to help us. Thank you for sharing.

  9. I appreciate you sharing…that is where I know the Lord wants me but am I willing to go there?…so good…

  10. jeramy said

    wow…man, have i been there. thanks for being so transparent. it’s tough for me to follow god’s leading outside of my own understanding….but i know he’s called me to that. thanks for the reminder….take care bro.

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