disappearing makes us beautiful

July 14, 2008

hello everyone!  i know, i know…it’s been like two lifetimes since i posted anything.  for the 7 of you who actually read this…i’m sorry.  to be honest i didn’t really feel like posting anything until i could get my thoughts in order.  this summer has turned kerri and i’s world upside down.  it’s got us asking questions about everything in our life.  why do i travel and play music?  why do we live where we live?  why do i lead worship at the church i lead at?  did i get where i am today by following God or man or me?   these questions have been ringing in kerri and i’s hearts for the past two weeks and i wasn’t really sure if i could capture the way i was feeling until now.  im just going to keep typing and see what comes out.

this summer, me and the guys in the band have found ourselves in places around the country that have been truly alive with the movement and power of the Holy Spirit.  i never thought that summer youth camps could be so supernatural or divine.  i know i’m admitting something not so great when i say that, but it’s true.  i’ve been settling for experiences conjured up by men and women with gifts to speak or lead worship or plan an event.  i know that now because i’ve had experiences this summer that cannot be explained by mine or anyone else’s giftings.  i’ve watched heavenly things unfold before my eyes this summer that can only be explained by…God.  it’s an unbelievable feeling to be on stage and know for sure that no one is watching you.  disappearing makes me beautiful.  to be in a room with 2500 middle and high school students going for the heart of God like we did in ruston louisiana three weeks ago is something that changes you.  not because I led them there, but because it was our only option when we came face to face with the power of the Holy Spirit.  it wasn’t faked or manipulated out of people.  it wasn’t something we did cause we were seeking out a “mountain-top-camp-experience.”  we weren’t trying to get kids to come down front and sign a card.  we simply had our plans laid out and God took those plans and, with a smile, changed everything.  it’s experiences like this that have me wondering why we’re so stuck in a rut in Christian ministry when we have access to the ultimate creative being!!??!  why is it that we Christians wait for pop-culture to do something groundbreaking so we can come up with a second rate copy that comes off as a second rate copy?  wouldn’t it be incredible if all of the sudden a shift happened?  what if the world and pop-culture started looking in the church’s direction for what’s coming next?  why not?  we’re the people of God with the Spirit of God dwelling in us.  it’s the power that raised Christ from the dead.  the force that created EVERYTHING and we’ve got an all-access pass sitting collecting dust in some corner of our hearts just waiting to be picked up and cashed in…eternally.

one thing i need to be careful of as i say all this.  i shouldn’t expect anything when we enter a time of worshipping God.  sometimes i think i know exactly how a successful worship time looks.  i have my gauges as a worship leader that tell me how well or how poorly a service is going.  without conscious knowledge i take what God has done in the past and i apply to my current setting.  i do that and i reduce God to a one trick pony.  like i’ve been saying throughout this blog since i started…God wants to do something new and fresh among us, and He actually can, we’ve just got our grip so tight on our comfortable, controllable services that we miss it.

this is all the stuff that God is convicting my heart of these days.  when i started this blog i committed to never posting anything like this, but that was before the last 4 weeks of my life happened.  i didn’t know i could experience such things on this earth as i have lately and i don’t want to be done experiencing them anytime soon.  i said this in my last post but here it is again…life is to short and God’s spirit it to good to spend my days in dead places.  getting all this out is good for my soul.  kinda like chicken soup…only it doesn’t burn like chicken soup.


God…this is what i pray.
shake Your people.  wake us up from the apathetic slumber that has taken us hostage.  open our spiritual eyes to see where you are moving.  let our lives be quiet enough to hear You when You speak and when You speak give us the boldness to follow where You lead.  where You are going is better than any place we could go on our own.  take me with You.


21 Responses to “disappearing makes us beautiful”

  1. Rachel said

    wow! so true!

  2. hey man – great words and thoughts. i love it when things aren’t manipulated or prompted. it’s refreshing. and i’ve been a part of one too many sign-a-card-tonight things… in the end the only thing that alters someone’s life and direction is the Spirit of God moving and prompting. glad your summer is going well. peace.

  3. Nathan said

    we’ve been going through some of the same things with the guys i play with…God is doing something huge and it’s fresh and in a totally new way than what we’ve been used to!

    excited for y’all and know i got y’all’s back in prayer!

  4. joe brim said

    unbelievable dude. unbelievable.

  5. as “one of the seven” that reads this it has been a while and well worth the wait….this post is so right on(understatement)…i cannot wait to see how this way of believing and living plays out in your ministry, and in the lives of believers everywhere who take this seriously….on another note and way off the subject…i checked out the “stuff christians like” blog….hilarious…thanks for the link…and your honest thoughts.

  6. Hope Bruce said

    Wow, Kristian you are an awesome guy.
    I was at Student Life in Ruston.
    and it was great.
    i loved it!

    that week made me realize the right way to worship the Lord.

    i thank you for being our worship leader.
    you made me think.
    it was like, God was talking to me, through you.

    Thanks, tons!
    -Hope B. :]

  7. Ben said

    Love it.

    I’m an avid reader, so add me to that 7.

  8. hey man…
    i pray that we as a generation can carry what God has put in your heart and others. My heart has been burning so much with God’s word when it comes to ‘dead places’ and God is ready for us to move where He is calling us. Lets not talk about it, type it out, let’s do this. With God all things are possible and we can create something new and fresh more and more with the power of the Holy Spirit….

    Praying we all keep our word in our hearts and souls and live it out with so much Christ-like love that its unevitable that God will move through us!!

    Daniel Mallard

  9. malloree said

    krissy and i were just talking about how much we love reading your blogs. they are always so refreshing and so relevant. thank you for your heart!

    hope you are having a wonderful summer and hope to see you soon!

  10. Kristian since the day i met you i’ve always known that Jesus was going to make himself known through you in huge ways. I will continue to pray for you, kerri and the band as you question such huge parts of your lives.
    Just the fact that you would post such honest words is so inspiring to me, and gives me faith in ‘the church’.
    don’t be discouraged. and if you do get discouraged.. remember people stared in disbelief when john danced naked and ate locusts as well. 🙂

  11. MARY said

    WOW!!!!! No words! I don’t know what to say. I can still remeber back in Louisiana when I pulled up with my church thinkig this camp was going to be a waste of my summer and by the second or third night I was thanking the LORD that I was able to have that amazing expirieance. I have repurified myself and I feel soo much better day to day. Your music has spoken to me and I can’t wait to continue my walk with Jesus Christ.

  12. Mary said

    Kristian add me to your “7” readers!
    i have been waiting a while for you to post but it was worth it!
    i was in Ruston and i agree that it was amazing! it was like something awoke in me and now i want to go to church all day every day! its an amazing feeling! it was an amazing worship experience and i know what you mean by when you disapear you did. i totally connected with God during that time and i really have grown in my faith now! thanks for taking the time to post this!

  13. Jamie W. said

    Amen, brother…I am right there with you.

  14. Kendra said

    Hi Kristian, I was at Falls Creek like um til yesterday, I was the one where u were eating at the cabin across frm us and me and my friend Jamie kind of interupted u and asked to take a picture with u and i said that u smelled good(what kind of cologne do u wear anyways lol. Anyways I thought you were great and so honest about everything and truly put ur heart into what u were singing and I accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior Wednesday night and you and Jose made that really easy for me. My favorite song was the one that you sang to your son the night before you left to come to Falls Creek and thank you that u did that. I hope I can see you play again one day. Til then, God Bless You Kristian.

  15. girlonaroof said

    Good stuff, my friend. Keep pressing forward. Love ya.

  16. Shannon said

    hey, im glad u told us what was really on your mind. i was in ruston and i know that it changed my life in a way i could never imagine. and i thank you and neil for that. God is always speaking to us, we just have to listen with our hearts.

  17. Dave © said

    First time reader here.

    “why is it that we Christians wait for pop-culture to do something groundbreaking so we can come up with a second rate copy that comes off as a second rate copy?”

    One thing that cannot possibly be created or even copied by pop culture is the impact of an authentic relationship with Christ, which is clearly on display here.

    Thank you!

  18. Lauri said

    Our group was at Falls Creek the week of July 14-18. I know that after the first couple of services you were beginning to wonder if God was going to be able to use you and your band at this camp but as we (the sponsors) learned in our cabin, we are never to question what God has planned.

    The worship experience was truly amazing. I have never seen a band who was so truly in tune with God and so willing to let HIM to take control of the service. You are always going to find a group timid in their worship when they don’t feel comfortable with music that they do not know but God allowed you to come in and teach lyrics that the students could identify with. Through your music, students were able to communicate with God what they are experiencing everyday in their life (the questions of whether they are worthy when they feel they have totally messed up their lives).

    I know that on your part, the band members part, and all your families the sacrifice is great but great will be your reward in HIS kingdom. God bless all of you for leaving behind those you love so that you could share, in music, the love of ONE so awesome!

  19. brianwurzell said

    hey kristian…
    i just stumbled on your blog bro. it’s sweet to watch you continue to follow Jesus and for him to lead you in to new places. this entry really has some great insight for all of us and i think it’s rad that you’re sharing your heart on your blog!

    dude…hope to connect with you at some point soon and i’d look forward to conversations about this kind of stuff with you. much love.


  20. cefuroxime said

    I already read the last part, which was your prayer. =D

    Anyways… AMEN! =)

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